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Friendship is a chain of gold. Each link a smile, a laugh, a tear, a grip of the hand, a word of cheer. No matter how heavy the load, I'll be your friend till we grow old.

Dear God, bless the friends I really love. Keep them safe, keep them mine, make them remember our friendship all the time. Written at heart, sealed with a kiss, I treasure my friend reading this.

A shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, someone like you is as precious as gold. You make me smile whenever I'm sad. You're the sweetest friend I've ever had.

One of the nicest things in my life is my friendship with you. And even if we don't have a lot of time to spend with each other, I want you to always know how much I appreciate you.

I wished so hard on a star one night. I wished to have a friend I will love for life. Days pass by, and I cried. Little did I know that my wish came true coz the person that I wished for was you.

It's friends that become the deepest love. It's like one day someone flicks a switch and you wake up and your friend becomes the person you could never live without.

I'm not one of those people are at the right place at the right time to give a helping hand or a smile to cheer. If I'm not there I know my prayers will be more than enough.

Friendship is a promise spoken only by the heart. It is given by any pledge. It is not written on any paper. But friendship is a promise renewed everytime friends meet and smile at each other.

Through the sky I saw a smile. Through the smile I saw joy. Through joy i saw friendship. Through friendship I saw friends and through friends I saw you.

If you could only hear what my heart is trying to say... It says thank you for being my friend and I hope it would last more than a lifetime.

May God send his love like sunshine in His warm and gentle ways to fill every corner of your heart, and give your day a good start!

The sun is up. The moon is down. So you my friend, remove that frown. Stretch them lazy bones and reach out for your celfone. Look at the screen and what do you see? A message from fabulous me!

Whenever the sun is rising, whenever the moon is shining, I pray to God that you'll alway be there and that you're thinking of me coz I think of you more than you think of me.

The lovliest day comes when you wake up one morning and discover the romantic truth that love still colors your world.

I woke up today smiling. For awhile, I started thinking, wondering if you're still sleeping... just wanna be the first to greet you good morning!

May the sun send you rays of delight, may danger be ever out of sight, and may your day simply work out right with a morning that's warm and bright!

As I rise from my bed and see the bright sun, I said this will be a beautiful day. As I reach out my hand and see my fone, I smiled coz this day would never be the same if I don't text you!

Did you by any chance feel a gentle pressure on your eyelids this morning? I guess my angel heard my request. I asked that angel to kiss your eyelids so you'll see the beauty of the day.

May your day begin with a gentle ray of hope, be filled with moments of love and end with a soft note of peace.

As the sun rises for the beginning of another day wonderful day... I just hope that you'll find your way today.

Every morning I wake up, I thank the Lord from up above. The next thing I have to do, to send a thoughtful message to you.

Sunrise is the flash of a thousand bright smiles greeting us everyday so keep a smile today and add to the brightness of the day!

This morning an angel asked me to go to heaven with him but I refused... Ayoko nga!... Walang signal don... I can't text you.

I looked at the moon but I couldn't see it. Search for the stars, still I couldn't find any. So I looked at it closely and found the reason why....... UMAGA NA PALA! Good morning!

It i s nice to wake up to a new day, knowing you're around. Life is wonderful coz you're in the world. Thank you friend... for sharing your light into my life. Good morning!

I ran out of jokes and quotes to text before I sleep, but I can't sleep if I can't text you good night!

Angels are there to guide and protect you in whatever you'll do... Tonight they'll take you to a place where your dreams can come true!

Heaven has less angels tonight, coz I sent a few to keep you warm and tight.

Close your eyes and go to sleep, for angels are there for you to keep. If there are worries, please don't weep. I'm at the other side just give me a beep.

Just sleep tight ang thank God for the wonderful things he has blessed you. Be grateful and thank Him, not ask for anything more.

May the fairies sprinkle stardust on your pillow to give you dreams so sweet and may God bless you with the will to make them real!

Tiny stars shining so bright, now's the time to say goodnight. So close your eyes and close it tight and let me tuck you in for the night.

My day won't certainly be over for I have something left to do. I just couldn't sleep yet without saying goodnight to you.

If u sleep holding your pillow tight, you might dream of your soulmate tonight. Though its just a dream, your soulmate might be dreaming of the very same thing.

I wish that God would hold you tight. I hope that angels would keep you in sight. Now just to make sure you feel alright, I'm gonna blow you a sweet goodnight!

GENIE: I will grant you one wish, what will it be? MAN: I want to be in between Kate Winslet's legs? GENIE: That's easy. Are you sure? MAN: Yes. GENIE: By my power, you are now a napkin!

CONTEST: Palakihan ng pepe. CHINA- pinasok telepono. (clap!) JAPAN- pinasok tv. (clap! clap!) USA- pinasok upuan. (clap! clap! clap!) PHILIPPINES- pinasok piso. (boo!)... bigla tumugtog jukebox!

How can you tell when a woman is not wearing any underwear? ANSWER: By the dandruff on her shoes.

What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl... goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl... goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.

What do submarines and penises have in common? 1) They are both long and hard; 2) They go down deep; 3) They carry a lot of seamen.

Ang pagkakaroon ng malaking titi at galing sa kama ay hindi biro. Ayaw kang tigilan ng mga babae! Tibay at lakas ang kailangan. BOY BASTOS po taga Brgy. Ginebra!

Girl admiring Rodman's tatoos... Reebok on his arm, Puma on his leg. She screamed when she saw AIDS on his penis. He assures her: "Relax...in a minute it will read ADDIDAS."

Tarzan swings, Tarzan falls, Jane saves her by grabbing Tarzan's balls. Now you know why Tarzan goes: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Q: Paano namatay si Capt. Hook? A: Nangati itlog niya at kinamot!

Old man to faith healer: Can you give me an erection? Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, I can make the lame walk, I can cure cancer, but I can't raise the dead!

Where do most women have curly and black hair? ANS: Not there! You dirty mind! But in Africa.

Top 3 reasons why chocolate is better than sex: 1) It's safe to have chocolate while driving. 2) You can have it even in front of your mom. 3) It won't mind if you bite the nuts too hard.

MISIS: Tangina mo! MISTER: Tangina mo rin! MISIS: Hayop ka! MISTER: Hayop ka rin! MISIS: Supot ka! MISTER: Yun nga lang!

There are two important things in life. Learning to hold on and let go.... Holding on to the penis and letting go after ejaculation! (akala mo saying noh!)

WOMEN'S TOP 7 LIES: 1) I have a headache. 2) He's my brother/ cousin. 3) We're just friends. 4) 5) 6) 7) I'm still a virgin.

MEN'S TOP 7 LIES: 1) It won't happen again. 2) I'm single. 3) That was my mom/ sister/ friend. 4) You won't get pregnant. 5) I love you. 6) I don't want to lose you. 7) I'm telling the truth.

Lady in a diner sees the cook flattening a burger patty with his armpit. LADY: "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" WAITER: "You should be here in the morning and see how we make the donuts."

WOMAN TO DOCTOR: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood the pain and it only costs P50. How did you do it? DOCTOR: I tied your pubic hair together.

GIRL: Pano ba? BOY: Sipsipin mo. GIRL: Ganito? BOY: Oo, tapos higupin mo. GIRL: Ayoko kadiri! BOY: Arte mo naman! Wag mo tignan. GIRL: May buhok sa dila ko! BOY: Siyempre sisiw yan eh!

BF pinapakita ang birdie niya sa GF. GF: "Bakit nakayuko?" BF: "Kasi natutulog. Hawakan mo." GF: "Bakit nagalit?" BF: "Kasi ginising mo. Himasin mo." GF: "Bakit may limabas?" BF: "Lumuha kasi masaya!"

Two lovers torrid kissing... GIRL: "I think I swallowed your gum." BOY: "Don't worry, it's just my phlegm!"

TANONG: Bakit ang mga pari pag umiihi naka tingala? SAGOT: Kasi nagdarasal sila. TANONG: Anong dinadasal nila? SAGOT: "O Diyos ko, hanggang pang-ihi na lang ba 'to?"

TANONG: Hindi tao, hindi hayop at hindi multo, sumisipsip ng dugo at may pakpak? SAGOT: Whisper with wings!

Different types of Farter: PRETENDER-Farts silently then acts innocent. SHY-Farts softly then smiles. ARROGANT-Farts loudly then laughs. UNLUCKY-Tries to fart but shits instead.

A teacher saw the word penis on the blackboard. She erased it and the next day it was there again and in big letters, so she erased it again. The next day, it said on the blackboard: The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!

There are three roosters, a normal, a retarded and a gay. NORMAL: Cokadudledu! RETARDED: Dudlecokadu! GAY: Any-cock-will-du!

SLOGANS FOR NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK: 1) Cover your stump before you pump. 2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker. 3) Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4) When in doubt, cover your sprout.

Lady in a sexshop. LADY: Ddo yyoou sselll vviibbrrattorrs? CLERK: Yup! LADY: Tthhe bbigg bbllaacckk onesss? CLERK: Yup. why? LADY: Hhoww ddo yyoou tturnn iitt oofff?

ABC - always buy condom. DEF - don't ever fuck without it. GHI - goto her immediately! JKLM - ja koL muna. NOPQRSTUVW - no other person quite right shall taunt you very well. XYZ - xee your zperm!

MAN: If I see you naked, I'd die happy. WOMAN: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing!

MOMMY: O anak, bakit ayaw mo magpaligo kay yaya mo? BOY: Ayoko nga! Kasi nung pinaliguan niya si Daddy, nakita ko kinakagat niya sa pitotoy!

Elepante at Langgam final part: May binulong kina elepante at langgam at hinimatay sila pareho. Ano? Sagot: Tigilan niyo na yan magkapatid kayo sa ama!

Sex is an affection with a projection to the intersection of a midsection with the use of contraception but definitely without infection.

Pahabaan ng titi contest... USA: Pinasok sa lupa paghugot may mga langgam. (clap,clap!) JAPAN: Paghugot may bumulwak na langis. (clap,clap!) PHILIPPINES: Paghugot may nakakapit na demonyo!

Bading nasa meatshop... BADING:"Pabili nga ng 1 whole German sausage." TINDERA:"Chop-chopin ko na?" BADING:"Wag!!! Anong kala mo sa pwet ko alkansya?!"

Husband and wife... WIFE: If you want to have sex, press my right breast once. If you don't want press my left breast once. HUSBAND: OK, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don't want pull it 100 times!

DAUGHTER: Daddy, what is incest? DAD: Shut up! Just keep on sucking!

2 prostitutes after work passes by a stinking estero. PROSTI 1: Hmph! Ang baho! Amoy titi!!! PROSTI 2: Ay sorry ha! Dumighay kasi ako eh!

Adam must have been some kind of a nut! Who else would sit next to a naked woman and eat apples instead of nipples?!

Sino ang unang architect? Si Eva... kasi siya ang unang nagpatayo. E sino naman ang unang estudyante? Si Adan... kasi siya ang unang pumasok.

A priest lost his male chicken and he asked around... "Anyone got a cock?" All men stood up. "No, I mean anyone seen a cock?" All women stood up. "No! I meant anyone seen MY COCK?" All nun stood up.

MEANINGS OF KISS: on the ear - I'm horny, on the c heek - we are friends, on the hand - I adore you, on the shoulder - I want you, on the lips - I love you, on anywhere else - lets get BZ!

What is a kiss?..... a kiss is an upper preparation for a lower invasion which will eventually lead to further penetration with vast acceleration.

A cat and a rooster were walking in the rain, cat fell into the puddle & the rooster laughed hysterically. LESSON: When there's a wet pussy, there's always a happy cock!


3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China. They decided to change their name... Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck... F u decided to go back to China.

Husband reading while wife is sleeping. Then he fingers wife and went back to reading. Wife said: "Ay, bitin!" Husband s aid: "I don't want to have sex just wanna wet fingers to turn the page!"

May dalawang langaw na nakapatong sa taas ng tae. Sabi ng isa: "Pare sandali uutot lang ako." Sagot ng pangalawa: "Ang bastos mo naman, di mo ba nakikita kumakain tayo!"

MOM:"Our son is masturbating again. Better talk to him." DAD:"Son, don't you know you will go blind doing that?" SON:"Dad, I'm over here!"

If you want to be lucky believe in fung suey. If you want to be healthy eat chop suey. If you want to be rich play pusoy. If you want to be horny... pindot tutuy!

May mag-bf and gf and they have a code for sex/do & that is hamburger! So one morning, sabi nung girl sa mom niya na aalis lang daw siya at maghahamburger. So she went off and do it with her bf. When she got home she was so happy & super excited na sabihin sa mom niya kung gaano kasarap ang hamburger! Sabi niya "Mommy, grabe ang sarap-sarap talaga ng hamburger" her mom replied " OO nga anak eh mukha ngang masarap, may mayonaise ka pa nga sa bibig eh!"

MAN1: I saw my wife in bed with my best friend. MAN2: What did you do? MAN1: Beat her up! MAN2: And your bestfriend? MAN1: Dragged his ass and said 'BAD DOG!'

General check-up: DOKTOR: Lola, kelan ho ba kayo huling nakipagtalik? LOLA: Mga 1955. DOKTOR: Matagal na ho pala ano po? LOLA: Di naman, 20:55 pa lang eh.

At 4 yrs. old. BOY BASTOS: Nay, pano po ba talaga ako ginawa? NANAY: Ah, eh kasi bigay ka ng langit. BOY BASTOS: Ang taas ng langit ah! Buti umabot ang titi sa inyo!

I have two hands, the left and the right. Hold them up so clean and bright. Jack-off softly 1...2...3...ahhh... Clear sticky sperms are good to see!

How do you compare a man's dick and a car? 1. feels good when it's fast! 2. smooth when lubricated! 3.useless when f lat!

Sarap to sa umaga! Hubad muna ako then I touch it, slowly stroking it. Sarap! Faster, ikot-ikot ko pa! Lalabas na, ayun na! Ahh talsik sa dibdib ko. Sarap talaga --- mag-SHOWER!

Push and pull, push and pull, make your titi powerful. Up and down, up and down make my pussy color brown!

COWBOY POEM: There was a girl in the Golden West, where apples grow upon her breast, and a bird's nest rise between her legs... where the cowboys lay their eggs.

PEDRO: Ma'am o si Danilo naniniko! TEACHER: Danilo, hindi mo ba alam na masakit ang maniko! DANILO: Yehey! wala ng klase! Masakit daw ang mani ni ma'am!

Difference ng PRINGLES at CONDOM: PRINGLES: Once you pop you can't stop! CONDOM: Once nag-pop you must stop!

Why are cows depressed when being milked? Well, if every morning at dawn they wake you up, rub your boobs for 2 hours and not fuck you afterwards, you'll get depressed too.

A TEXT MANIAC is: 1) dala phone sa cr 2) text habang nagda-drive 3) text habang kumakain/nanonood ng tv/may kausap sa phone 4) bad breath and 5) hinto sex para basa hi n ang incoming text!

A man consulted his doctor, why his dick is yellow. DOCTOR:"Hmmm...soap and water would do and tell your girlfriend to stop eating cheesecurls!

What comes out of FAT breasts?-Buttermilk SKINNY breast?-Skimmed milk BLACK woman's breast?-Choco milk What about OLD woman's breast?-Yogurt.

At 9 pm the husband said: "Honey, pwede?", wife replied: "NO!". At 10pm, he said: "Honey, pwede na?", she said" "No please!". At 12am he said: "Honey, pagod na ko, bubunutin ko na!"

I like the taste of sperm. In fact, I use it every morning on my cereal. But I like mens even better. Sperm on my cereal, mens on my coffee. Make s sex to me!

It's so typical that people always want to be with the person they love but sometimes the absence of one makes you want them more that you tend to.......... MASTURBATE! Haha! Akala mo quote noh!

They say you can tell the size of a man's penis by the size of his shoes...No wonder Ronald McDonald is so happy!

May binulong ang langgam sa elepante at nahimatay ang elepante. Tanong: Ano ang binulong ng langgam? Sagot: "Buntis a ko, ikaw ang ama!"

May binulong ang elepante sa langgam at nahimatay ang langgam. Tanong: Ano ang binulong ng elepante? Sagot: "Let's make love standing position!"


BOY: Let's play WAGWAG. GIRL: What's that? Boy: You'll take your clothes off and I'll lie on top of you......and you'll say "WAG! WAG!" Priest teaching a nun how 2 swim... NUN: Will I really sink if you take your finger out?

Japan, US & Nigeria aboard PAL about to crash. JAPAN: Put jewels coz re scuer first look for rich. USA: Put make-up. They look for pretty. Black takes panty off and said: They look for the "blackbox"!

Couple making love and son was awakened by th e noise. Son heard dad saying 'I feel l ike coming' 'Wait' answered the wife 'Coz I feel like coming too' At that moment, son came running ang said 'Wait for me I'm coming with you!'

Let's sing! He puts his pe nis in, he puts his penis out, he puts his finger in, then he shakes it all.

around. You do the hokey pokey then you turn yourself around. That's what sex is all about!

A Chinese man is being taught what to say while giving tikoy. Repeat after me: 'Auntie Tikoy masarap!' (inulit ng Chinese) Bilisan mo: AuntieTikoymasarap!, AuntieTikoymasarap!

Anong tagalog ng chair-SALUMPWET Anong tagalog ng bra-SALUMBOOBS Anong tagalog ng panty: SALUNGGUHI T Anong tagalog ng brief-SALUNGGUNISA

Anong differe nc e n g jeep sa ng vagina: Ang JEEP pag may pumapasok SUMIS IKIP, pero ang VAGINA pagmaypumapasok LUMULUWAG!

Anong difference ng pakpak sa pekpek: Yung pakpak pagbumubukaka lilipad yung bird , yung pekpek dadapuan ng bird.

Anong difference ng parachute sa condom: Ang parachute pag nabutas patay tao, ang condom pag nabutas buhay tao.

Pano mo malalaman kung girl yung chocolate? Pag may peanuts.

Why are men use l ess? 1. They have Adam's apple that can't be eaten. 2. Balls that can't be dribbled. 3. Eggs that can't be fried. 4. Penis that can't be spent.

Please sing with feelings: Pekpek ni Sara Pen kinalikot ni Armasen ows ows sez the girl na bastuswen! Agen!

Q: Anong celfone ng mga gumagamit ng viagra? A: Nokaya Q: Eh ng mga malibog? A: Ericsyon Q: Ng mga naninilip? A: Boscho Q: Ng mga nagbabasa ng tabloid? A: Motoymola

PATANGKARAN CONTEST: KANO> I'm so tall I could reach Mt. Everest. (He stretched his arm and reached the top of Mt. Everest) GERMAN> I'm taller I could reach the moon. (Then he stretched his arm to reach it.) PINOY> Aray! betlog ko!

5 Things wrong with the penis: 1) It has a hole in the head 2) It has a ring around the neck 3) It hangs out with a couple of nuts 4) It sleeps next to an asshole 5) When excited it throws up and dies!

Q: Bakit mas malakas umutot ang boys kaysa sa girls? A: Dahil may malapit na microphone!

Q: What's the similarity between a vendo machine and Monica Lewinsky? A: Both have slots that says: Insert BILL here -->

Virginity causes cancer, cancer causes death. Save life, share your virginity!

Q: Pano mo malalaman kung yung manok sa palengke ay lalake o babae? A: LALAKE> TITImbangin BABAE> KIKIluhin

EXOTIC COLORS: Plematic Green, Ebakish Brown, Spermatic White, Bulbonic Black, Reglatic Red, Uhogish Yellow, Utongic Pink, Clitoric Fuschia, Bayagish Lavander - YUK!

Q: Anong mangyayari kay Tweety Bird kapag uminom siya ng Viagra? A: Magiging Big Bird

Q: How did Pinnochio find out he was a puppet? A: When he masturbated he set himself on fire!

Q: What's the difference be tween oral sex and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, while anal sex makes your hole weak!

Q: What's the similarity between a book and a woman's dress? A: It should be short to be interesting but long enough to cover the subject.

What do you call the organ of small men?--> COMPACT DICKS; What do you call the organ of aliens?--> LASER DICKS; What do you call the organ of old men?--> FLOPPY DICKS!

Q: What did the typhoon say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to yo ur nuts, this is goi ng to be o ne h e ll o f a blo w job!

So Dodie Fayed arrives in heaven. He sees the limo driver and shouts: I said I wanted to fuck Di in the limo, not FUCKING DIE in the limo!

Anong tunog ng falling rock? BLAG! Ano naman ang tunog ng falling water? WOOSH! Eh ano naman ang tunog ng falling pubic hair? PWE!

Anong mangyayari kay Felix the Cat kapag uminom ng Viagra? Eh di magiging Felix BAKAT!

Anong mangyayari kay Kermit the F rog kapag uminom ng Viagra? Eh di magiging PALAKA-NTOT!

Man 1: My wife is so dumb she bought a car and she doesn't know how to drive. Man 2: Oh yeah? My wife is dumber i saw her bag filled with condoms and she doesn't even have a dick!

Women are like ANGELS, they give and forgive. Men are DEVILS they get and forget.

Love is the manifestation of affection with the intention of injection and ejection in the midsection done in a nice position during a private session!

Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A.? Because God couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Q. Why are cucumbers better than men? A: Because they stay hard for more than a week.

Pantyline Call: Hello, puwede bra pukibaba ang iyong titipono. Kanina pa kayo dyan nagkukuwentutan!

Boy Bastos: Nanay, na-iihi po ako. Nanay: Halika anak sasamahan kita. Boy Bastos: Ayoko! Gusto ko si lola. Nanay: Bakit? Boy Bastos: Kasi nanginginig kamay niya eh! Sarap!

May tatlong baklang nagswi-swimming nang m a y biglang lumutang na condom. Bakla: Hoy mga loka, sino sa inyo ang umutot?

Nagtatalo si balls at dick. Balls: Bakit hindi mo ako sinasama pag pumapasok ka sa loob? Dick: Akala mo ba masarap sa loob? Suka nga ako nang suka eh!

A man see's a gay man wiping semen off the floor, the man asks him 'What happened? Did you jerk off?' The fag answered 'No, i farted'

3 daughters to Dad: Girl 1: I'm going out with Pete to eat. Girl 2: I'm going out with Vance to dance. Girl 3: I'm going out with Chuck to... Dad: Sorry you're staying home!

A couple was pumping away in bed. MAN: Spread your legs wider! (urgently after) MAN: WIDER! WIDER! GIRL: What the fuck are you trying to do? Get your balls in? MAN: No, OUT!

Qualities of a good blowjob: 1. RELIGIOUS (lumuluhod) 2. JUDY ANN LOOK-A-LIKE (malaki panga) 3. SWIMMER (mahaba hininga) 4. BUNGAL (para hinde sabit ngipin) 5. MALAKI TENGA (para handy) 6. MALAPAD ULO (para patungan ng beer)

At the hotel a man accidentally hits a girl's breast: MAN: If your heart is as soft as your breast you'll forgive me. GIRL: If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 469!

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man's foundation enters a woman's separation to build a population for world domination. Do you get my conversation, or do you want a demonstration?

One sperm said to another: "How much further till we reach the ovaries?" The other sperm replies: "Relax, still a long way. We just passed the tonsils."

Ang type na lalake ng girls: 1. SIMPLE (palaging nasa ibaba) 2. MABAIT (hindi nangbibitin) 3. GENTLEMAN (hindi nauuna) 4. MALINIS (hindi hinuhugot, sa loob nagkakalat)

What's the difference between a hotdog and a dick? A: In a hotdog you put the mayo first before you eat it. While in the dick you eat it first before the mayo comes out!

Two GAYS Gay1: Fafa, kati ng puwet ko pakamot naman o! (Kinamot ni Gay2) Gay1: Kamutin mo pa Fafa! (Tuloy ang pagkamot hanggang sa loob) Gay2: Ano to? Bat may relo??? Gay1:

Happy b-day Fafa!!! BOY: Sigurado ka bang akin yang pagbubuntis mo? GIRL: Oo naman. Tatlo na tinanong ko di raw kanila. Ikaw na lang natitira kaya siguradong sigurado na ako.

Meanings of roses: With long stem = I want your kiss. With thorns = I want your love. Stem and thorns without rose = I want your flower.

Sex is like Mathematics: ADD the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs, and MULTIPLY!

Anong tawag sa maliit na goat? KAPIRANGGOAT! Eh sa maliit na cat? CATITING! Eh sa maliit na duck? PANDUCK! Ano naman ang tawag sa maliit na dick? BUTITI!

PREVENT GETTING RAPED..................say YES!..... A public service reminder from BOY BASTOS

REACTION TO SIZE OF PENIS (IN INCHES) BY GIRLS: 7-5 Araaay! Yes! Y es! 5-4 Ouch! A hhh! Ahhh! 4-3 Ow! Sige pa! Dii n mo pa! 3-2 Sige pa! More ! More! 2-1 Aay? Oy, wag na lang kaya?

How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike? 1) He has to be rich 2) He has to be hot 3) He has to keep you up all night!


SON: Dad! nakipag-sex ako sa teacher ko! DAD: Talaga? Halika inuman tayo. Let's celebrate your coming to manliness. SON: Bukas na lang, ang sakit ng pwet ko eh!

TEACHER: What part of the body goes to heaven first? STUDENT: Feet! TEACHER: Why? STUDENT: Coz when I went into my Mom's room, her feet were in the air and she kept saying, O God, I'm coming!

American woman trying to speak Tagalog: Depet megpekebeit keyo, pera you will go to heaven et mekita nyow eng angel ne may meleking pekpek (wings).

Describe the penis in your country: USA: It's a gentleman, it stands up when it sees a lady. JAPAN: It's a laborer, it works day and night. PHILIPPINES: Like a gossip, it passes from mouth to mouth!

Q: Why should we not pass judgement on Monica Lewinsky? A: Because "napasubo lang siya"!

BOY: Dad I broke my eye glasses when I kissed my girlfriend! DAD: How can that happen son? BOY: Dad, she closed her legs!

After foreplay: BF: Why do you always play with my dick everytime we have sex? GF: Well, I kinda miss it! BF: Why did you always do that to your past boyfriends? GF: Hell no! It's because I used to have one!

IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SEX: 1. Oral sex doesn't mean talking to each other 2. You don't need a condom when you're doing it alone 3. Herpes is not th e name of a Greek god!

Only the open heart receives love. Only the open mind receives wisdom. Only the open arms receives gifts. Only the open legs receives eggs... ooops! nasobrahan ang emote!

SON TO DAD: Why did you name me Conrado Domingo, now my friends call me condom!

SULAT MRS. PARA KAY MR. MRS: Hon RCPI (Rush Come Puke Intay) MR: Mahal PLDT (Puke Linis Dating Titi) MRS: PT&T (Puke Tuwang-Tuwa!)

Q: Ano ang difference ng BADING at CANNIBAL? A: Ang CANNIBAL kumakain ng KA-URI, ang BADING kumakain ng KA-ARI!

On a honeymoon, the girl discovered that her husband has 1 wooden leg. She wrote her mom: " Ma, my husband has only 1 foot" Mom replied: "That's good, your dad has only 5 inches"

Q: Pano mo kukunin ang eggwhite na di binabasag ang itlog? A: MASTURBATE!

SECRETARY ANSWERING A CALL: Hello, I'm sorry but Mr. Manyak is OUT at the moment... no wait he's IN... no he's OU T ... IN... OUT... IN... OUT... INnnn.. . Ahh! Sir, you wanna answer the call?

Q: What did Cinderella do when she was horny? A: She sat on Pinocchio's nose then said: "Tell a lie now! NOW!

Ikaw kaBAGUIO-BAGIO mo pa lang dito ang dami mo nang CALOOCAN. Kung DAGUPAN kaya kita dyan at magkandaILO-ILO ka? Tignan mo nga yang panty mo NAVOTAS na!

BOY BASTOS: My former girlfriend was a spoiled brat. She asked for almost everything, until she asked for a 7-inch penis. I left her. Imagine she wanted me to cut it short!

Q: What did Snow White say after making love to the 7 dwarfs? A: I've always wanted a 7-inch penis but not one inch at a time!

ANAK: Mommy, puwede na ba akong mag-bra? MOM: Hinde pwede! ANAK: Baket naman? 15 yrs old na ako ah. MOM: Tumigil ka nga Boyet!

How to know if your girl is faithful: Put palay in her vagina then check after 3 months. If palay turned bigas - binayo! If palay turned pinipig - binayo nang binayo! If palay napanis - kinamay! If palay nawala - kinain!

Couple about to be wed in a week. GIRL: I want you to know that I am very flat-chested. BOY: It's ok, my dick's like a baby. On honeymoon... Girl faints to see boy's dick like a baby... 8 lbs, 21 inches!

What do you call 2 nuts on the wall? WALLNUTS! 2 nuts on the chest? CHESTNUTS! 2 nuts on the chin? BLOWJOB!

ATE: Bea say 'ball'. BEA: Bolbol! ATE: Hinde! BEA: Dede! ATE: Say 'ate'! BEA: Tite! ATE: You're not making me happy! BEA: Pipi! ATE: Sus! BEA: Suso! ATE: Stop it! BEA: Etits! ATE: I'll kick your ass! BEA: Kiking makatas!

Whisper napkin manufacturer was wrong! They didn't realize that women didn't want wings, they want the whole bird!

3 REASONS WHY ITS HARD TO BE A PUSSY: 1) Your hair has no style, it's kinky and tangled. 2) Every month you bleed even when there's no wound. 3) A drunkard always pokes his head and pukes in!

BOY BASTOS see's a nude girl. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close my eyes. Girl nears Boy Bastos. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close my eyes! Girl sits on Boy Bastos' lap. BOY BASTOS: Lord, my eyes! Girl grabs Boy Bastos' dick. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close YOUR eyes!

Dila-dilaan ako.......... patuyuin... dilaan ulit! hanggang tumigas, bago pumasok sa iyong makipot na butas................... Sabi ni sinulid kay karayom.

A newcomer in hell complaining to satan that the girls there are beautiful pero 'walang butas'. Satan replied: 'Pag may butas yan e di nasa langit ka na!'

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